PLEASE NOTE THIS IS ONLY A DRAFT AT THIS TIME.
Yeah I am guessing this will only ever get looked at by myself as I wouldn't think there are many people out there that give enough of a fuck to waste their time reading something I wrote about myself. It's ok though as I want to leave at least something that sort of explains a lot of things people may have questions about one day & with any luck this will do the trick.
In late 1996 (I think it was then, was just after Daniel, Mat & Lee moved to Qld) I was living with a person I knew in Macquarie Fields having moved out from Daniel & Leanne's place when they were moving to Qld.
Having asked if I could go with them to try make a better life I understood in a way why I was refused my request & had to move in with a person I at that time considered to be a friend.
At the time I was smoking pot (With & Without Daniel) & was also starting to use Heroin again, so I was able to understand why I was not able to go with them to Qld. Anyway after moving in with the so called friend things went down hill in a big way really quickly.
My illicit drug use skyrocketed & my friendship with the so called friend began to also suffer due to me not wanting to have to keep supporting his fucking habit as well for no thanks.
After approx 6 weeks I knew that the only way I was ever going to feel relaxed was to get out of that place ASAP so I moved out with a 21 year old woman I had meet who worked at fairfield RSL club.
This was probably one of the biggest mistakes I could of ever made as the age difference meant she still wanted to go out & party on all the time, where I just wanted to have peace & quiet together without having to go to night clubs & crap all over again.
After a very short time (Approx 2 months) things had taken a horribad turn for the worst & I was asked to move the fuck out (haha yeah this was basically the beginning of my time on the streets)
I am not able to remember a lot of things but I do remember a few of the times & things I saw while calling an inverted concrete storm water channel home that was in a vacant lot near the river in Canley Vale. (Was actually a thing on a current affair about some of the people that were living near by under the railway bridge at the time that I will try to gain access to for you all to take a look at if your interested)
I called this inverted piece of concrete home for several years & although it was sort of protection it didn't keep me very dry when it rained or very warm when it was winter time or just plain cold.
There was this one time I remember it was so cold & wet. It had been raining for more than 9 days straight & everything I owned & had on to keep me warm was wet. The only thing I could do to get a little warm was to try find pieces of paper to set on fire to warm my hands with every now & then. Yeah I knew I deserved where I had ended up & I knew there was no-one I could ask for help or anything because of the things I had done over the years. So I did the best I could with what I had which usually consisted of so much stuff it would fit in 1 pocket of the pants I had on at the time.
My drug use had not stopped though & at the time it wasn't so bad I guess living on the streets, I guess it could of been much worse & as I said before I deserved where I had ended up anyway.
During this time I also started doctor shopping to support my now also growing addiction to sleeping pills or anything that would help get you even more stoned when mixed with things like Heroin or Methadone. On a normal day I was now taking up to 75 individual pills called Normison mixed with anything up to a quarter of a gram of heroin at a time. (The most Heroin I had ever been using was for a 3 year period in the mid 80's when we were spending approx $1000 a day on the shit. I am deadly serious also & yes thats one hell of a lot of $$$$)
Anyway mixing these drugs together would in the not to far future lead to myself being found dead/O.D'ed on several occasions & revived. One time I was found after I had stopped breathing for approx 10 minutes, the paramedic told me when I woke up in Liverpool hospital afterwards.
Another time this same cocktail would lead to me walking out on the train tracks at Canley Vale train station & walking dfown the tracks a hundred meters or so & laying down & going to sleep in the middle of the tracks. (Main line from Cambelltown to Sydney via Granville) I only found this out when I woke up in Liverpool hospital with 4 police guarding me telling me I wasn't under arrest but I wasn't able to leave due to trying to kill myself by laying down in the middle of probably one of the most dangerous train lines in the sydney network. (Held all the trains between sydney & Cambelltown up for 2hours)
People might think I am lucky to be alive, I think I am so unlucky to still be alive. Thats just life...
You know although that was many years ago now there is still one thing that hasn't changed. I am still as lonely today as I was then & I still believe that the world & myself could be better served if I was indisposed. Thats not a threat or promise that just how I feel about my life & each & every day that goes by I hate myself more & more for it.
